Worth Fighting For
by Jusrecht
Summary: KiraAthrun KiraCagalli AthrunCagalli There are many kinds of love even though some are not as intense, as painful, or as devastating as the others.


**Title: **Worth Fighting For

**Author: **Jusrecht

**Ratings:** PG to PG-13

**Pairings:** Kira/Athrun, Athrun/Cagalli, Kira/Cagalli

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Seed and all of its characters belong to Sunrise.

**Warning:** If one of those pairings I mention above sets your alarm off, I'll suggest you to leave. Obviously you know whether they are male or female and whether or not there is any sibling's relation between them, right? Meaning, beware of hints of male/male relationship and incest. And characters may be OOC. Grammatical errors are certain since I'm not that familiar with English, but I've tried my best.

**Notes:** Just a piece that I couldn't help but wrote down after watching Gundam Seed. Written in Athrun's POV. Hope you all like it!

He said once to me, there were things worth fighting for. And then you did too.

I listened – after all he had been my best friend once, and had often proved himself right despite the childish demeanor he had carried almost flawlessly at the front, letting others to believe that he was no more than a little boy with no knowledge whatsoever to the world and its problems – and eventually I acknowledged. That was just how easily he could slip into people's heart, friends or not. The path he chose, as always, wasn't the simplest, but then I knew if there was one person I had to believe in, it would be him.

When we won through no little sacrifices, even though winning didn't taste like victory in the slightest, it didn't felt really wrong either. Probably it was right after all, what he believed that was. I smiled then, taking him into my arms, letting you to embrace us both until tears ran dry because it was the peace that we, these frail sixteen-year-olds, had been struggling for.

'Peace' however, is an extremely strong word and instead of providing ease and relaxation, it demanded our rapt attention. 'Peace' wouldn't preserve itself and I learned that fact fast. Staying at the frontline with him and Freedom, protecting you, ORB, and human kind from –ironically– human kind itself was all I could offer, but 'peace' still wasn't amiable to us. Resistant movements were becoming an endemic disease.

And then it was you who called me back, telling me to leave the frontline onto his hand since we needed to talk. I complied albeit half-heartedly, because it was you, the Goddess of Victory herself and also one of my few reasons to fight. Eaten by mediocre exhaustion and my utterly irrepressible worry to his well-being –not that I doubted him, it was just that I knew how much I and Justice could be of help when the unexpected happened regardless of Buster's and Duel's constant assist by his side– not even your radiance, or the bright encouraging glow of your golden hair, could cheer me on. But when you let me know the purpose of this meeting, it was dignity and dignity alone which kept me straight, standing on my feet.

I knew how terrible ZAFT current condition was and while the name 'Zala' might not be the best remainder of the greatest wisdom, the son of a former High Council's chairman was still something to them, promoted by my role in preventing mankind from being eliminated totally. I had once opposed my father anyway, so there was probably quite a chance for me to join the Council. That most of Naturals and Coordinators were still wishing for each other's death was no mere rumor or hasty guess, and we needed both sides to cooperate. The most striking problem was, as you said, most of the Council's member's devastating arrogance, merely because they were Coordinators.

The way you said that, so blunt and bold, might make me smile –even laugh– had we been in a less dire situation. But we were not and I took a seat before anything embarrassing happened, mind cramped by every worst possibility if there was no Justice to support Freedom. You stared straight at me, understanding flickered amidst flames of impatience in your eyes, and you said persistently, "Listen, Athrun. It maybe better than keeping knocking down anyone who tries to shoot anything, so why don't we try?"

Living as a soldier was all that I knew that time and I detested politics, probably from seeing it through my father's eyes. That time I hoped I could hate you, but I nodded instead, letting the mature, collected side of me to mess with my life just because I knew it was the sacrifice I must make as the last breathing Zala.

The next time I saw him was when we were nineteen, I so close to reach the Chairman's position and thus requiring a discussion with you in ORB, and he returning to Earth for a break since the number of resistances had gradually decreased, leaving Dearka and Yzak in charge. He teased that I looked old in the Council uniform and I harassed him for not getting bored with Freedom already. We talked, reminiscing past, conversing present, and looking forward to future, until moon began to descend and we ended sleeping on each other like we used to when ten were but our ages. When you scolded me in the morning for making both of us unpunctual, I laughed, firing you a light return volley about your hair being in a mess, feeling myself in interminable high spirits because I finally met my best friend again.

Our second night together was the moment I began to question my affection to him, which had dubiously reached an unhealthy point. The trigger was the sound of a gunshot while we were walking at the harbor and he instantaneously leapt in front of me, practically shielding me from any harm that might come. When the incident had been taken care of, I yelled at him, half insulted that he had felt the need to protect me.

Even if I hadn't ridden Justice for a long time, defending myself was something I was still capable of. But he quietly said that it was on impulse, which made me react with a snort, disbelieving but dropping the subject nevertheless.

It was, as long as I remembered, the hardest night for me to find any sleep to engulf me. 'Friends' was no longer a title I deemed appropriate to identify what I thought of him as. Perhaps you knew, since you were looking at me throughout breakfast at the next morning, when I should depart for the sakes of my carrier as well as my sanity, and then you gave me a light kiss on the cheek.

Fourteen months later, Athrun Zala, the current chairman of PLANT High Council finally met Kira Yamato again. Inevitably so, since he was your brother and I necessitated paying you a formal visit.

After successfully avoiding him for two days full, I finally managed to get confronted by him in my very own bedroom at my third night. He asked me with a tired voice, noticeably in distress, why it seemed like I preferred not to meet him and I, mind currently jammed by panic, came out with an answer even myself wasn't aware of what.

"I'm going to propose Cagalli tomorrow."

There had been a moment of silence with us staring at each other in comparable shock before his lips curved, shaping a smile like he had done once when I had gotten him into trouble ten years ago, like he was forgiving me for something awful I had unintentionally done. It wasn't lost to me, the poignant edges of his smile, and I wondered who and why. I noticed them of course, little things he and you had done together, looks you both had exchanged at each other, smiles and faces you had shown nobody but him, before the realization came and struck you hard that you were siblings related by blood.

Of course there was a slight chance that it was me who embellished your smile with those sad edges, but I didn't want to think about it. I ran and hid, convincing myself that it was for the best.

That I was probably the most selfish bastard that had ever existed.

But the smile remained in his face and he got me into a celebration with a few glasses of wine. It was, as long as I could remember, the worst night I have ever suffered, with a best friend –also secret love interest– of mine on my bed, talking and pestering me about proposing his sister. It wasn't as if I had never thought of marrying you before –if anything, bonding the Coordinators and Naturals through marriage was one of the best problem solver we had discovered together and nothing would make a more perfect match than the leader of ORB and the chairman of PLANT High Council. That and the fact that you were still one of my few reasons to fight.

What I was late to discover was that he –probably– was my main reason to fight. Still I didn't know what to do after I found out.

Then, later at night, when I had with my conscious bordering the realm of dreams, anxiously trying to grasp sleep with him lying silently beside me, I thought I felt him kissing me, breathing my name into my lips. But I stayed silent, motionless, pretending that I was already asleep, convincing myself that it was nothing but a fragment of my imagination that wanted the impossible.

In the morning, with him tailing behind me, encouraging me with words I knew hurting him as much as I was, I slipped into your office, within my pocket a ring I had originally bought without knowing whom I would give. Perhaps him, or perhaps you.

And then I proposed you, thinking I could love you, because it wasn't right for one to fall in love with one's same-sex best friend.

You nodded, thinking you could love me, because it wasn't right for one to fall in love with one's brother. A smile was all that followed, nothing on impulse, no hugging and tackling me to the ground, no spluttering of crimson on your cheeks, just a little smile under the brilliant gaze of climbing sunrise, pretty and wistful. And two months later we got married.

Three months later, I came home from a conference and found you crying, sitting at the cold floor with arms desperately hugging your knees. I kneeled by your side and reached for your bare quivering shoulders, fearing for the worst.

But it was worse than the worst. You looked up, tears glazing over your golden eyes, and with them you witnessed how I shattered as your lips weakly moved, uttering tears I wished were inaudible enough for my ears to miss.

"Freedom... Kira..."

Destroyed. Killed. Ambushed by a party of twenty mobile suits. Unable to escape, yet fighting bravely, discovering the resistance's base later on. Sending our headquarter the coordinates before completely devastated.

They couldn't even bring his body to Earth intact. Not even after Duel searched for a week non-stop, forcing Buster to stop it, to knock some senses into its pilot's head.

It was when I finally admitted to myself that _he_ was my main reason to fight.

Even so, I'm still standing here now, five years later, still the chairman of the High Council, still breathing and alive though long since losing my prime reason to fight, before a colossal monument built for him by those people he had protected. I smiled wistfully, hands caressing the cold carved limestone. It was just how easily he could slip into people's heart.

"Father!"

I turn to the source of the call, meeting your clear golden eyes that were no longer tempestuous now, calmed by age and wisdom, then to the boy holding your hand tightly. Perhaps your gentle smile, or our son's bright one, or the warmth I felt –if a little bland it was– when I notice you both, my lips quirking into what might be a smile to mere onlooker's eyes, are those things worth fighting for, just like he said. And I think maybe I do love you in its own way, and that kind of love does exist even though it isn't as intense, as painful, as devastating... as beautiful as what little I once bore and now still preserve for him. That love, I realize, will always be his. But here is not where he belongs; he has his part at other stories, the tales of heroes and their valiance told by wind of the past.

Perhaps some other time, when I meet him again some other life, when I know he once again has become my foremost reason to fight, I'll have the courage to tell him that I love him, or I'll be able to gather enough bravery to respond when he kisses me somewhere at the night. As for now, I can only hope that you do love me too, or at least love our son strong enough to try loving me.

Because, isn't _his_ smile worth fighting for?

**End**

**Ramblings: **I know Justice self-destructed and Freedom was badly damaged, but let us pretend that they stayed intact for the sake of this fic. Sorry for the really weird Athrun and situation. Thank you for reading!


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